Friday, October 03, 2008

National Debt Clock

Saturday, February 24, 2007


hi my cunts, i rarely post on this blog, so i'm not really sure why it exists really. i know why it's here in the first place, but currently it's a tree falling in the forest. the past 30 hours have been spent quite alone. last night i beat the buzzer at the liquor store when i raced over to buy a bottle of absolut at 11:55p. the owner warned me that they typically close 5 minutes early and that it was my lucky night. i considered this for a moment, but then told him to go fuck himself in my mind because he seemed a few whiskers short of a hamster. i set my alarm for 8 this morning because wasting the weekend is not a thing that is done in this household, and i struck out in the scalding cold wind. i picked up a coffee at dean & deluca on my way to the reservoir, but bout halfway round i realized that walking in this weather had a cost greater than its benefit. homeward bound. i won't bore you with the boring details of talking to my pop and doing my boring laundry (which is a herculean chore; i'm going to start sending it out. . but the thought of a person who earns their wage sorting my shorts sends shivers. you know the feeling.) i came home to find that the sushi people below me had let themselves into my humble abode to clean the restaurant exhaust fan (which is outside me winda) and proceeded to straighten up the place before nearly having a breakdown of proustian proportion. i gathered up my shit and struck out to my favorite bloody mary bar - at which i only had one bloody - a bloody shame too, because afterwards i spent the better part of an hour wandering around my french hugenot neighborhood looking for a pastis that ultimately would not exist. now i'm simmering in my kitchen. once i get that stool all will be right in the world. for now i stand, regarding you, with my drink, recarding me. rain and wrong can read your thoughts, they let them know where youth and laughter go.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

this blog is dusty and rusty

hi guys. i had an experience tonight that i wanted to relate and i didn't want to do it over at oceanchum so i came over here to jot it down.

that was when i noticed the post below the one you're reading and loled. and winked a tear into my ricard. tonight i decided to go see a thurston moore/wolf eyes show at 'the hook' in brooklyn new york. the directions to this place were poorly quite poorly written on the website, but with a little tlc and a mapquest i was able to figure out NSEW and write it down on a grubby piece of a brown paper sack that not too far in the past contained 6 scintillating yeunglings.

i struck out after a quick shower and picked up two chorizo tacos along the way. it's fun eating while walking i've realized. i walked a few blocks and downed the tacos, then picked up a coffee for the subway ride/walk to the middle of the cool breezy industrial atmospherics of red hook. it only took a hot minute to find the first street on the direction pad and that was the key to the puzzle basically, as i continued to take a series of lefts and rights, crossing over some gowanas expressway via a walkpath until i was deep in the heart of the hook.

the hook was actually the name of the place, and when i saw the sign hanging outside the warehouse i realized that i'd been here before. that's a long story though, and i'm getting tipsier as this blog rolls on. TBC

Sunday, July 30, 2006


Wednesday, February 01, 2006

IRA Sticking to Arms Pledge

BC-IRISH (UPDATE 2) UPDATE 2-IRA sticking to arms pledge, says N.Irish watchdog (Adds DUP, Sinn Fein comment) By Paul Hoskins and Adam Pasick DUBLIN, Feb 1 (Reuters) - Northern Ireland's ceasefire watchdog said on Wednesday the Irish Republican Army was keeping to a disarmament pledge it made last July but was still involved in spying and organised crime. The British government hailed a "sea change" by the guerrilla group, but a chilly reaction from Northern Ireland's biggest unionist party underlined the difficulty of breaking a political stalemate in the province. Dublin and London had hoped that the watchdog's findings would help build trust between opposing parties and kick-start talks on reviving a mothballed provincial government in which pro-Irish and pro-British opponents once shared power. "Like an oil tanker, the (IRA) will take a while to turn completely, and there is likely to be added turbulence in the wash as it does so," the Independent Monitoring Commission (IMC) said in a report. While there was evidence that individual members had retained weapons, the IMC said, it was satisfied IRA leaders still intended to "eschew terrorism" and had "a clear strategic intent to turn the organisation on to a political path."

Thursday, September 15, 2005

a couple things

i think i'm fallen for the girl with the afro-puffs. indeed. a measley 13 bucks a month (7.50 when you split it *shit!*) is so worth it for 9 channels of HBO. i tell you, if it ain't 'gremlins 2', it's 'the grudge'. and if it ain't 'the grudge' it's 'starsky & hutch' or 'crimes and misdemeanors'! 'the sopranos' and 'curb' haven't even begun yet! i got more stuff coming, but i gotta take a pause now.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

my tongue is raw from too much coffee

should i have liquor today at brunch?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

no hummers in china

"Compact and utilitarian, these vehicles, called Wuling Sunshine minivans, hardly fit the big-is-better image of G.M., known in the United States for producing some of the largest gas guzzlers on the market, like Hummers."


i want one of these things.

Monday, August 08, 2005

he's handsome...

Japanese PM Junichiro Koizumi

so does koizumi's handsome visage belie the heart of a nasty politician? anyone? i really don't know much about this "dissolution of pariliament". shit, i don't know much about the japanese parliament or the LDP at all. fill me in.
"It is extremely abnormal to tell lawmakers to vote for the bills or Parliament will be dissolved," said Tatsuo Kawabata, secretary-general of the opposition Democratic party. -from the wapost

Thursday, August 04, 2005

a warning

a warning
Originally uploaded by SCARNSWORTH.
sorry i've not been around lately! sked changes and such. more posts soon!

Monday, July 25, 2005


dudes, it:s been a long time and no update, i know, but things have been gettin harry over here. i:m down in ye olde kyoto town and the internet access isn:t proving to be all that accessible. my wireless just isn:t working here. i:m in this radical cafe right now, and some dude is watching battle royale 2 on the computer behind me (a guy is holding another guy:s severed head.) i;ve got a solid post about tokyo and hiroshima coming up, but alas it:s on my ibook and i can:t log on from there to post it. fuuug. anyway, here:s what:s happened today: i walked around the huge arcade malls here in kyoto doing a bunch of window shopping and listening to a little interpol on the ipod. a little while ago i began to feel lightheaded and nauseus, so what better remedy for that than a huge cabbage pancake with a crepe on the bottom, an egg on the top, and onions, bacon, and the cabbage in the middle? (scattered, smothered, chunked, topped, and diced you ain:t got shit on this okonomiyaki). as i began to go to Mr. Young Men:s oknomokyaki restaurant, my ipos shitted out on me. yes it:s broken. the closest store is in Osaka, but will they be able to replace it for me? fuck if i know. i go there tomorrow, because, ladies and germs, if i try to fly back to the states without that ipod, why, i may as well try to hold my breath for the duration of the flight over the pacific. it would be easier. i:m frowning about this ipod sitch. as soon as my time is up here, i:m going to go see that new scarlett johansen flick at the local movie theater. The Island, i think it:s called. then i:m going to buy a bunch of shit. i don:t know if the gravity here is different, or if the beers have more alcohol, or what, but after a few kirin:s and a couple glasses of shochu i feel like i:m assassinated in the mind. hope all is well with you.

Monday, July 18, 2005

doin bloggin in japan

hallooo friends! i'm writing from a starbucks in tokyo right now. i was in nagoya with ol' will for the past three days, and now i've made it here and let me tell you something: nothing is in english in tokyo. at least not in the subway stations and trains. (some shit was in english in nagoya - at least a wee bit - but not here.) i almost got kicked off the bullet train on the way up here because i was sitting in a reserved area. when the ticket authority guy came by, i just stared as he shook his head and pointed for me to get the fugg out. i thought i had done it and gotten myself arrested. fortunately this hasn't happened yet.

the last couple of days were amazing. only today have i sobered up. certainly i'm glad that i took some photos, otherwise some of those memories would be gone - evaporated like the sweat off my dogs. check ol' flickr for photographic evidence of exploits. saturday we tore it up at sumo all day long drinkin beers with will's pal ted. apparently the sumo hero guy is named Takami (important note: his nickname is RoboCop) and when he showed up at the end of the day the wee ones were going apeshit. TAKAMI!!!! awesome. he won, so all's well. later that night as we drunkenly walked around nagoya, i was busy snappin pictures of storm drains and cars and other shit when i looked up and will was nowhere to be found. i basically thought i was dead at that point because from where i was, and how wasted i was, there was going to be no way in hell i could communicate or figure out how to get back to his place. i sat down to write my our my last will and testament, when the dudes showed back up and of to home we trotted.

sunday we went to a festival in the smaller town of inuyama where a bunch of shit went on. we drank all day, will got nekkid and carried this float with all the other dudes (he is on a float team basically), and little kids were running around like mad. will had a couple friends there who spoke good english (ayano and kei) so i was able to chat with them for a bit which was nice. maybe more updates later. now i'm going to try to figure out how to use a payphone.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

i'm leaving for japan tomorrow. i'll be travelling there for 11 days. check for updates on the journey here and here. should be a good time. if anyone lives in japan and wants to meet up, give me a shout in the comments. arriverderci!~

Monday, July 11, 2005

we don't know each other well

amerie has been blowing my mind like fuck lately. actually, this remix by siik posted by o-dub over at soul-sides is what's blowin my mind in partickler, but shit, who woulda thought that a song on the hitch soundtrack would take over my summer like this?!

i'm going to japan on thursday.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

land of the dead

Originally uploaded by SCARNSWORTH.

a bird came out of his chest

i just washed a plate in the bathtub. now i'm listening to sly & the family stone. it's going to be a good couple of weeks.

Friday, June 10, 2005

look at what you made come out of me

i was going to post this over to unrealized scripts but because it's an idea not fully fleshed out - an image if you will, i decided to work on Pumpkinhead III for unrealized and keep this gem over here at crabber. picture this: secretary of state condoleezza rice on the road, her first trip abroad - meeting presidents, kings, and prime ministers - and driving around in one of those little izuzu amigos with the big red bull can on the back. when she goes to meet israeli prime minister ariel sharon she takes his ass down to manger square in bethlehem in the red bull car. israelis and palestinians are protesting but condi could not give less of a fuck as she does donuts in manger square, ripping out pages of a swank magazine and throwing them in the air; an act which could arguably be the penultimate form of sacrilege. the end of the movie would take place in a bedroom with condi saying something like, "ariel, it looks like a slug crawled on your comforter in just those three drippy spots." ~fin~

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

bobby q's

Originally uploaded by SCARNSWORTH.
this photo was taken merely a month ago, tho it seems like it's been eons. v and i would have bbq's in the grandest of fashions every week- replete with volcanic beans, corn, kobe beef, cheetos, rollitos, and enough beer to drown in. drown we did.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

living hard

i just got done with a fucking great breakfast: a rather large toffee pecan cookie plus a banana for my health and a 20oz coffee for quaffing. i feel so good it's unreal! like i want to live out my dreams all over the place right now! of course that would mean eating muchas rollitos and drinking two things of cough syrup while watching pumpkinhead 3 just before dawn, but alas. in other news, last night i had a burger so big you had to bite it in the same place twice just to get through it. other important updates include no one else being able to remember much about wednesday night either! hooray! here is an interesting photograph that has nothing to do with anything.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

fuck you tomorrow

it's too much sometimes. hot tub induced weltgasms etcetera. hold me why you try to

Sunday, May 29, 2005

remember the last sweat

Originally uploaded by SCARNSWORTH.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

i go away

but then i come back to haunt, motherfuckers. here's what's on my mind lately: for one, i've got a bellyache for the simple reason of 'too tight pants.' i wonder why i thought it would be a good idea to wear these pants today, and then i think, "oh yes, it is because they are red." but really, is wearing red pants all that it could be if the pants are worn in the pre-dawn hours at work where no one gives a good goddam what you wear? i should have worn my shorts with the elastic waistband. also, i've been thinking about drinkin syrup. i heard this song yesterday where the guy sings,

"i've got some rainbow colors in my cup, jolly ranchers man that shit be good as fuck."

but the way he was singing it, the voice, he sounded like a monster, or like what a truck would sound like if it talked, and the background music was an evil organ or calliope whith chants from a chorus of demons. the song is about drinking different varieties of cough syrup on a porch, getting fucked up, getting hard, and it's sung like it's coming from the mouth of lucifer himself. wtf for real. crabber's back, yo.

Sunday, March 27, 2005


Originally uploaded by SCARNSWORTH.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


i seriously was just thinking about how uncomfortable it was to be as constipated as i am right now when i looked at the top of my screen and noticed a banner ad reading "bloated? constipated? somethin?" i didn't click it - i had to blog about it fast as a crab first. i think it's zelnorm, don't you? i hope so. i'm such a fan of zelnorm! and their ads! i want to work for zelnorm one day. in other news, yesterday my roommate asked me if i was drunk at 2 in the afternoon, and later the guy at the cleaners thought i was yelling at him ("i'm not trying to be rude sir!!" he says to me). both of those things weirded me out. you know, cause it weirds me out that i would be thinking the world to be fine and normal and snoozeworthy while others around me see me as being either drunk or irate. isn't that how crazies get started? thinking it's wonderful and normal to walk around with a giant piss stain on your trousers and talk to strangers? on a similar note, i don't like it when crazies try to talk to me in the grocery store. get away from me crazies! i've got people to spy on quietly.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

crabber's hangover

a few things i've realized today: 1.larry king is no film critic 2.'queer eye for the straight gal' sucks 3.i need to put down the bottle room is by no stretch of the imagination clean

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

the issues of today

i feel like i need a piece of candy or a little thing of sprite zero right now. also, i caught a whiff of my own feet again which means that these relatively new shoes are already in effect dead.

Monday, November 01, 2004

mario bava

there's a pretty great documentary on IFC this week on italian horror maestro mario bava; a man who i knew nothing about until i watched the superb special on bravo these past coupla days - 'the 100 scariest movie moments.' there are some films noted in there that, jesus, just in the 30 second clips they show, build up more tension and have a bigger scare payoff than most feature full-lengths i see nowadays. i gotta see the changeling and the sentinal. holy crow. if any of you dear readers have seen either of these please tell me about em in the comments below. also, if anyone got a chance to see the sadist film saw, i'd like to hear about that one too.

wolf eyes

as pointed out to me by alert reader cocaine bref, wolf eyes graces the cover of the latest ish of wire magazine, so you should pick a copy up when you are near your local newstand. it should provide for some interesting reading. as pointed out by capt.scurvy, wolf eyes may be one of the most overrated bands out there today. i can understand that sentiment, but when somebody fucking bashes themselves in the head with a mace and nearly bleeds to death during a performance, they got cred in my book. plus, they are scary and dangerous. it is a crying shame that i'm going to miss them when they come to my town on wednesday, but whatev, duty calls.

Sunday, October 31, 2004


blastitude is a really great online zine that reviews really great records by really noisy bands. i always forget about it for months at a time because they come out quarterly or something spaced out like bi-yearly, and then i find that a new one has been posted and i read it over and over again. ahhh. well, a new one's up now, and this snippet from a panicsville review struck me as an example of superb music journalism.
Panicsville's Sterile seems to be about hospital perversion and/or the final feverish visions of a person dying in a hospital bed. The album starts with 12 solid minutes of total silence, which I guess could represent death. Then track two "Flatline" begins suddenly with a full-on swirl of definitive Panicsvillation (queasy electronic almost-melody winds along while animalistic guttural voice sounds grind over the top, soon joined by a sample from a kitsch record, properly looped for maximum retardation) which stops suddenly after a couple minutes for some radio theater set inside a creepy hospital. And the queasy fever dreams continue, a highlight being the 9-minute track "Mastery Of All That Is Unknown."

crabs are animals

the word crabber can have several different meanings. firstly and foremostly, it can mean 'one who crabs' or, more directly, 'a person who tries to capture crabs for either food, sport, or industry.' crabber can also be used to describe a boat on which one goes out hunting for crabs, though from personal experience i can say that most crabs are found along shorelines and skittering amongst culverts and drowning pools, and one really wouldn't need a crabber boat to capture them at all and would probably do just as well with a pair of galoshes or wading boots. crabber can also mean someone or something that moves in a sideways fashion. crabs are so weird.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

christ blogs

i've been looking at my hit-counter stats recently, and i'm noticing lots of hits from blogs that refer here but that i've never heard of before. why is this? i always click on these links to check out these referrer blogs, and invariably they are somebody's 'profession of my love for christ' blog. why is this? these people aren't linking to me. i'm not leaving comments in their comment section. the only thing i can come up with is that someone is clicking on the 'next blog' thing on that blogger toolbar at the top de la blog. either that or there is some christian conspiracy, though i have no idea what such a conspiracy would accomplish. i spent one afternoon scouring one of these blogs to see where they linked to oceanchum. i could find no evidence of a passing link or any mention of scarnsworth whatsoever in all the reams of inane blog entries about church socials and video nights. captain scurvy, i'm looking in your direction for help.

voice of a crab

it's been a little over a month since my last post, and boy have i been busy! ok, i'm lying. actually i haven't done a goddam thing except watch most of the nightmare on elm street series and gain ten pounds. oh, and i voted. but what i'm trying to say here, is that despite the fact i've been gelatinizing over the past 30 days, there is a reason that i haven't been blogging here. i can't decide on a voice. should i blog as scarnsworth or blog as crabber? fuck, i don't even know if there's a difference anymore. i like the idea of a blog being run by a crab, but for some reason, my being scarnsworth on oceanchum, forces me to be scarnsworth on crabber. i guess i could create a new profile, but that's a new password for me to remember. and a new identity for that matter. shit, it's hard enough remembering the password! i think i'll just call this blog crabber, let it be named for a special crab, and continue blogging as scarnsworth, for that is who i am! tell it on the mountain.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

crabber's tears

if you were snooping around my bedroom looking in my recently played records, you'd exclaim (aloud), "my, crabber! with so much fucking swans and xiu xiu here, i'd reckon you to be a 17 year old goth!" not so, fair concierge, 'cause for every 'god damn the sun' and 'suha,' theres a the go! team and a the go find makin crabber do pirouettes. holler at that shit.

soul hut

once there was the pore-openingly fangtastic mp3 blog called soul sides where there were always funk and soul tracks hottt enough to make you want to slap yourself in the face. there was also this mp3 blog called tofuhut. well now those blogs are doing it together and you can find some sort of complex fusion of the two on either site. capital!

Monday, September 27, 2004

shotgun wedding

snap. ol' crabbers is about fifteen hours late on this one, but it looks like britney spears is preggers.
[via stereogum]

hi, my name is crabber.

hi guys. my name is crabber, and i am a crab. i haven't decided what this blog will be about yet, suffice it to say you will read bukowskian tales of my debauchery:
  • my pissing in empty bottles of gin because i'm too lazy to walk to the commode
  • my fucking of prostitutes
  • my hemmorhoids bothering me
  • and my eating of soft-boiled eggs every meal for six weeks.
i hope you like this blog. to quote a very wise young feldman: "sounds like my grandfather taking a leak, mikey; thrillsville." thrillsville indeed! here we go!